The Redford Review: Pregnancy

Yeah, the title of this is The Redford Review, and there will be blogs posted where I review things, but honestly, I am not out in the marketplace as much as I would like so today, I will review pregnancy!

You know that point of a roller coaster, where you fly out of your seat a little and your stomach drops, and everything seems just a tad bit ominous? Imagine if that feeling lasted the entire ride. Yeah, thats pregnancy. Not in a physical sense. I am male, and there for cannot become pregnant, so I have no idea what it feels like. Actually, I do have a fairly good idea what it feels like, my wife tells me every day. (just kidding*) From the moment you find out that your family is about to increase by 33.3333333...% your life begins to actually revolve around someone that by legal standards, doesn't actually exist. The entire process is filled with ups and downs, highs and lows. Lets take them chronologically...

The first month:

Highs: You're going to be a father. This is a big deal.

Lows: You start thinking about when he/she is a teenager and hates your guts. Thats going to suck, I barely know him/her yet and I am thinking about them hating me and not wanting to spend any time with me.

Month Two:

Highs: Your wife still feels pretty normal and her behavior is relatively normal. (although, suspiciously, the food budget that didnt allow an extra $1.19 for a backup box of ho-hos last month suddenly has doubled.)

Lows: Your wife gets this queezy feeling that seems to last right around 9 months. For you, it just means you have to drive slower, but for her, its a small preview of things to come.

Months 3-5:

Highs: You start shopping for baby items and clothing. I don't know about you, but my wife makes the same face everytime she sees anything that looks like its for adults, but is a 1/9th scale replica. Its a face that makes you want to grab her and hug her because clearly she is in a lot of pain, but then she grabs the item and makes sure it is purchased. I still don't understand why anyone would want to buy things that make them cry or feel pain, but romantic comedies seem to do pretty well at the box office, so clearly this phenomenon will continue.

Lows: There is more vomiting done in this time period than a man will do in his entire lifetime.

Months:6-9

I am currently halfway through month 6, so I have no witty remarks about this point forward. Just cross your fingers and hope for the best.

So, what is the conclusion of my review? Should you get pregnant? Yes! The species will continue!


We painted the nursery yesterday. It looks very blue. It was while standing there looking at 3.5 blue walls that the idea dawned on me, "what if the ultrasound was wrong?" Emily assures me that we saw the testicle and there is no way they are wrong, but I still get paranoid.





*actually, I am not kidding, she does tell me every day